Hells Bells
by Lkoturnindrin
Summary: Tony Stark does not date single mothers. Too bad he forgot Loki was a single father. How does Iron Man fare against a pint size Hela? Read on to find out.
1. Chapter 1

Hells Bells

Chapter One

This could not be happening.

Tony felt his rugged and manly goatee scrap across the living room carpet. This _so_ could not be happening.

Composure intact, Loki the exiled Norse God of Mischief/Chaos/Evil (depending on his mood or something more nonchalant, like the day of the week) stood before him. Long fingers twitched uncomfortably at the sides of his gold and green armour. Was it nerves? Fear of rejection? Or just another insidious ploy to win round Antony Edward Stark? Well it _was_ Loki, so it was hard to tell.

It _was_ Loki after all…

Perhaps Tony was coming round to the idea. It wasn't like he was venomously opposed; he was just _well_ Tony Stark and pre-occupied with being Tony Stark.

"I see you've finally managed to close your mouth and yet I so often prefer it open," Loki purred, slipping into seductive mode. Soft, supple lips curled into a wicked curve. Magnetic gaze fixated on the mortal. It took Tony barely a few seconds to recognise he was being mentally undressed. So of course he crumped. He _was _Tony Stark after all.

"Okay, sure. I mean, I can hardly say no. Especially not that that pout anyway," Tony sighed deeply and stroked his stubble. For a moment he could have sworn Loki was genuinely smiling, must have been his imagination. The trickster was still pretty guarded. Tony figured centuries of self-deception must have taken their toll. Six months with the irresistible Tony Stark, probably not long enough to undo the metaphorical damage.

Better get this over with.

His gaze slide down Loki's right side, and hovered just above the kneecap. There Tony observed the tiny creature properly. Nothing but skin and bones wrapped around her father's leg. She bore an untameable, frizzy mane of black gilding over her shoulders and two oversized emerald eyes peered out from their sunken hollows, upwards and straight back at Tony Stark. She was the spitting image of her father, had to give her that.

"Hey there Hela, welcome to your new home, you can even call me Uncle Tony, if you'd like, okay?" Tony said, praying his expression was one that eructated happiness and joy.

He was met with complete silence. Hela dipped her chin and drove her tiny fingers deeper into her father's leg. She then turned and buried her face into the back of his knee. There she whimpered timidly.

"Hela, Uncle Tony said hello, won't you say hello back? I'm sure that would be very nice, wouldn't it?" Loki adopted an unusual calm, soothing tone.

"No," came the muffled response, followed by another low whimper.

Loki sank to his knees and embraced his daughter. Tony watched in almost wonder as the little twig of a girl clasped her arms and legs tight around her father's torso, barely filling her father's clutches. Loki raised himself smoothly and swiftly departed. That must be father mode. Personally Tony preferred kinky mode, still it sure was a step up from murderous-psychopathic-diva mode.

It was probably time for a drink.

"Hela is just tired," Loki announced upon his return. "It's been a long journey for her. And shy, Hela has always been shy," He paused, almost uncertain.

"Hey no worries," Tony took a swing of whiskey.

"Are you quite certain about this? I am aware I didn't give you much time to prepare," Loki spoke in an inaudible whisper. "I can understand if you would prefer not having a child occupy your home. My child no less…" Loki chuckled cynically. "My children are monsters, after all,"

"Gimme me some credit," Tony smirked from ear to ear as he filled a glass for Loki. "Hela is hardly the Hulk, besides me and Bruce get along famously! How much trouble could one small girl be? I bet I hardly notice her,"

That seemed to reassure Loki, who accepted the drink that was offer him and drained the contents. "I suppose this means I owe you…"

"Oh boy do you owe me!"

Loki slithered forwards until the two men were upon each other. "I can think of many ways to repay my debt,"

"Do any of them involve me wearing your helmet?" Tony waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Tony mentally noted that even joking about wearing Loki's helmet was a mood killer. Geez the guy was so possessive. And why did Tony Stark, the invincible Iron Man have the feeling he had just met his match?

And his match was eight years old.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

"That child is pure evil!"

Pepper Potts sharply removed her reading lenses, placing them rather offhandedly upon her desk. Her billionaire employer, one Tony Stark, loitered at the helm of the doorway with his hands thrust theatrically into the air. Having thrown together yesterday's casual Black Sabbath shirt and khaki pants, the man looked a bit of a shambles. "Evil," he whispered menacing.

"Hmm," Pepper bit the tip of her pen. "I wonder what Loki would say to that," There was some satisfaction to be had in watching Tony squirm. His face drooped and he spun on his heels, as if expecting to see Loki standing behind him.

The strawberry-blonde didn't attempt to conceal her smirk. "Loki's out, remember? He wanted Hela to have a brand new wardrobe, as I recall you let him borrow your credit card. I hope you know what you're doing, I have a sneaky feeling Loki only buys designer,"

"That doesn't mean there isn't a Loki shade or two lying in wait, to spy on my every movement. Three words Pepper, total control freak," Tony gave the hallway one last, fleeting glance before prancing away from the entrance. "I never got designer clothes when I was eight,"

"Oh dear," Pepper groaned. "And here I thought this relationship would be a healthy exercise for the pair of you. Don't tell me there's trouble in paradise already?"

Tony protested and then started to grin sheepishly. "Trust me we're fine in that department. Better than fine, best partner I've ever had in fact!"

Despite the ups and downs of their turbulent relationship or rather the ups and downs of their turbulent relationship becoming common knowledge and to some extent accepted, it had been an incredible six months for the love life of Tony Stark. It was probably the longest he had been monogamous.

"And obviously Loki agrees with you," Pepper bridged her fingers and smiled reassuringly. "Maybe this is his way of telling you it's serious,"

Tony gasped melodramatically. "Are you suggesting Loki is nesting? Is he in mother hen mode?"

A depleted Pepper gave a gesture of surrender. "You could at least try to take this seriously Tony. I mean did you even stop to consider the consequences of getting into bed with Loki? What exactly do you think will be the ramifications if things don't work out, if you hurt him, purposefully or accidently? Last time I checked Loki and negative emotions are a recipe for disaster,"

"Wow you're starting to sound like Fury," Tony magnificently darted Pepper's icy gaze. "Got it, the future of the world depends on my relationship. Must keep Loki happy at all costs, mustn't push him away over something so trivial,"

"Precisely, see you're learning!" Pepper beamed and reached for her glasses. "You should try to get to know Hela, maybe even bond with her,"

The invincible Iron Man scoffed at that. "No bonding is out of the question. Have you seen her? No, no, there will be no bonding," A pause. "You've not meet Hela yet, have you?" A gleeful twinkle was in his eyes.

Pepper cocked her head to the right, trying to make sense of Tony's declarations. "No, I've not left my office all week. I might have, if someone else had taken up his share of the workload,"

"And you don't know how lucky you are,"

"Tony you're being mean about a little kid. This cannot be your shining moment,"

"And again I must remind you that you have not physically laid eyes upon her," Tony rubbed his hands together impishly.

"I already know the myth-"

"She's got these big bug like eyes, larger than her face, that are like shoved back a good few inches into her head! And her skin is all white and waxy and stretched thin across her body! You can totally see all her bones, its creepy," Tony faked a shiver.

"Tony-"

"Sure Loki can pull together his awkward attractiveness, it's one of his finest asserts. But his daughter is a different matter entirely. Paper bag job if ever there was one!"

"That's enough, Tony!" Pepper was on feet in a flash, her hands clutched in tight fists at her hips. "Can you really be so insensitive? And to a little girl no less? What would Loki think if he overheard you mocking his daughter! This is specifically what I was talking about barely a few seconds ago! You just don't get it,"

"Geez Pepper, aren't you supposed to be on my side by default?"

Pepper sighed and shook her head. "No, you really don't get it, do you? I am on your side, that's why I'm concerned for you. If you continue like a perpetuate spoil brat it won't end well…"

It seemed to sink in, some of it at least. Tony felt defensive, but only shuffled his feet. "Loki will be back soon, maybe I'll go wait for him in the den,"

Pepper murmured in agreement.

000

Approximately forty minutes later, Tony lay on his back with one arm cushioning his head whilst trying to watch daytime television without being reminded of how much more enjoyable this was with Loki's running commentary. He stifled a yawn and rubbed his eyes. Maybe he should have offered to go with them after all.

He didn't have long to reflect however as Loki gilded into the apartment, carrying more than a dozen stylish shopping backs. All with a smug look on his face.

"Well hello darling, did you have fun spending my money?" Tony made no effort to move, or to conceal his irritability. Loki didn't seemed to notice as he breezed up to him.

"I want one," Green eyes glistened intently.

"Huh? Want one what? Oh! You mean a credit card right? That's do able, get a job,"

Instant pout.

"Hmm, we'll see then," Tony knew he was too soft but relented anyway. Loki moved to kiss him only to rear back as Hela squeaked lowly.

"Hela, why don't we show Uncle Tony your wonderful new clothes?"

_Yeah, considering Uncle Tony paid for them_. Tony grumbled internally.

Oddly Hela said nothing. She only stared at Tony. With those big bug like eyes…

This time Tony shivered for real.

0000

Reviews are nice.


	3. Chapter 3

**tmmdeathwishraven**Glad you like it after one chapter, I must be doing something right :)

**wiggalator**Thanks for the comment, I'll try to be a regular updater.

**Harlequin Jade**The Loki in my head would probably laugh at Tony. Then get defensive over his little girl. He's a complicated fellow.

**chatnoir1**No matter how hard Tony tries to deny it, Loki will always be a diva.

**HowlynMad**Hah, Loki has _two _helmets… cannot shake the image of Tony and Loki hooked together.

**Diane** hmm, I must admit I also like the idea of Loki getting a credit card and hitting the shops while Tony babysits Hela *ponders*

**JannaKalderash** Good call, in part it's due to her 'half-dead' deformities but also her emotional neglect. As for Thor's reaction, that might be closer than you think.

**Paradox-Imagination**Aye, aye!

Further thanks to everyone who add me or this story to their favourites. I don't think I've ever had so many responses before.

**Chapter Three**

Damn avoidance behaviours!

Tony pressed one palm against his grumbling stomach and gave it a gingerly pat. "Soon my pretty, we must be patient," He made a mental note to stock up his lab with salty snack goodness as soon as possible. But now it was time for some much needed replenishment.

After an effective session of procrastination, Tony ventured out from his hideaway by sticking his head out the door. It was late afternoon, perfect timing. There was no way he'd accidently bump into Pepper and her obligatory moral compass.

_Mental high five Tony Stark. _

Frolicking all the way to his primary kitchen complex, Tony froze instantaneously as he padded into the room. The sleek sliver fridge was ajar with the back end of the trickster peering out. The unexpected sight of a casually clothed Loki in pale blue jeans and a light buttoned up, tugged in shirt, rummaging through the vegetable draw was highly amusing. Tony let out a snicker. Why was there never a camera when you needed one?

"Oh good," Loki hummed. "You're not dead. I'm so thrilled. I had considered sending out a search party," He emerged upright, clutching an assortment of large onions, tomatoes and carrots, whilst nudging the fridge door closed with his hip.

"Aww, did ya miss me, buttercup?" He was testing out pet names, though most of the time Loki didn't so much as bat an eyelid.

"Shall we say I missed your most exquisite parts," Loki flashed a mischievous glance in the direction of Tony's crotch.

"So this _is _a romantic meal for two," Tony manoeuvred towards the panelled counter where a bottle of fruity red wine had been left out. He lifted it and smirked. Had to admit, Loki had good taste. "Are you trying to seduce me Mr Odinson? Why it's not even Thursday!"

Loki shifted a little bit uncomfortably as he sliced and diced an onion. "I have something a little more romantic than food planned for the two of us later. As for the meal, we shall have some pleasant company,"

Oh. He meant Hela of course. Tony did detect a distinct lack of shivers coursing down his spine alerting him to her presence. For someone so young and so demanding, Hela was uncommonly reclusive most of the time. Loki had tried to reassure him that she was just shy and needed time to get acquainted with her new surroundings.

_Or maybe she really doesn't like me. _

Then what did he care anyway? The less Hela was around, the more he had Loki all to himself. It was his only child syndrome; Tony hated to share his things.

"Speaking of which, where exactly is the little princess?" Tony swiped a carrot stick when he thought Loki wasn't looking.

"At the present taking a bath," Loki waggled the knife blade in a mock warning.

"Hmm alone? Kinda independent for a little kid, isn't she?"

"No, she's not alone. I'm there with her," Loki slide the newly sliced vegetables into a large saucepan simmering on the neighbouring cooker.

"Huh?" Tony promptly prodded the trickster. "Nope you're definitely standing here beside me,"

"Yes Tony I'm real. I have a shade with my daughter,"

"Didn't think your smexy clones were capable of physical contact," Tony gave a toothy grin as his right foot stoked up against Loki's ankle.

"Hela is my seed. Our magic comes from the same connection. It comes from the same breath of life. Together we can accomplish much more than we ever could apart. Provided our desires are one and the same," He swayed a little into Tony's touch.

"Let me see if I understand this," Tony rubbed his goatee. "So you and Hela are stronger as a unit, kinda like she extents your own power-"

Loki dropped his head and spoke quietly. "No. It's not like that, please don't refer to it like that again," He seemed to brighten in an instant. "Put the wine down, Tony. It's for the pasta,"

"You're gonna tip a whole bottle of wine into the sauce, sounds like my kind of dish. But wait, isn't this for Hela too? I'm no expert but I think alcohol and kids is a no-no,"

Loki smirked. "You really are adorable. Hela is Asgardian. I guarantee this will not have an effect on her, we have livers of iron. Unlike some I could mention…"

"Aww, just one glass,"

"I'm starting to think you have a problem,"

"Hey, I don't have a problem with alcohol. I have a problem without alcohol," Tony creeped his arms around the trickster waist. "So how much time do we have before dinner?"

Inopportunely the other Loki appeared carrying a rather sweet smelling Hela on his shoulders. Robed in short-sleeved, loosely fitted green pyjama with her pitch black curls tightly held back into two twin plaits that almost reached her stomach. Straight back, her hair framed her exposed face and its sullen expression. As the clone Loki approached, he gently placed Hela on her feet, and then disappeared with the typical golden blaze of magic.

Hela seized her father's trouser leg and tugged. "Want juice Daddy,"

"Here let me," An exasperated Tony slinked around Loki to get to the fridge. With a splosh of orange liquid, he filled a small glass before handing it over to Hela. The little girl wrinkled up her nose.

"Wanted apple, wanted apple!"

"Hela," Loki adopted a smooth, governing tone. "Say thank you to Uncle Tony and then go take your place at the table. Dinner will be ready soon,"

A bony hand practically snatched the glass away, followed by a low mutter that could have resembled a thank-you but could also have been a screw you. Either way Hela obeyed her father's instructions, leaving the kitchen was a residual scowl across her face. Tony lingered temporarily, watching Hela walk over to the dinner room extension and then clamber onto the high waist seats.

"She hates me," He confided inaudibly.

"She doesn't hate you. She just doesn't know you…" Loki sampled the pasta sauce and looked a little pleased. "Here try," He offered up the spoon.

"I think I'd rather sample the wine,"

It was after the cork was popped that the lights when on.

"Say Loki, why are there four places set at the table?"

A simple smirk was all the response the trickster gave.

0000

A white slash of lightning ripped across the dark sky announcing the bulky thunderers approach. Loki seemed to tense, as if having sudden second thoughts at extending an invitation to his brother. Tony gave a gentle squeeze to Loki's left hand and briefly caught his eye. The colour was returning to his cheeks.

"Brother!" Thor boomed heartily as he strolled into the apartment, a large stupid grin pasted across his face. He opened his arms wide, ready to embrace his brother. Loki only grimaced and made no movements as Thor's mighty arms closed around him.

"Thor, I'm so glad you accepted my invitation," The delicate sarcasm that clung to his voice suggested otherwise.

"As am I," Thor smoothly pulled back. His right hand remained softly holding the nape of Loki's neck with brotherly affection. "I have missed this. I have missed you,"

Loki reared backwards as if having been stung. "There's no need for such sentiment you big lummox, it's only food,"

"It's much more than that," Thor refused to retire his dopey smile. "This is a peace between us. We are, as the mortals say, building a bridge,"

"No, we're definitely eating pasta. Hey wait, is pasta capable of bringing two feuding demi-gods together, must make a note of that," Tony grinned behind his wine glass.

Loki sighed. "This way to the table Thor, leave that dreadful hammer of yours at the coat stand," With a swift spin on his heels, he retreated.

Once Thor had complied with Loki's demands, he set his sights squarely on Tony, slapping him thunderously on the shoulder, causing Tony to spill some of his drink.

"You have done wonders Mr Stark, I doubt there are not many who could have domesticated my brother in such a short period of time,"

"Thanks I guess…" Tony decided to take it as a compliment though he knew Loki wouldn't. "But err… maybe you shouldn't talk like that when Loki is nearby," _Please don't take offence, Thor. _

Seeming to contemplate those words Thor engaged Tony more softly. "Does he still possess his temper?" Tony gave a single nod and Thor winced. "Then I shall be on my best behaviour. I do so want this to work,"

"Well, Loki made the first step, so anything is possible,"

_Oh who are you kidding Tony Stark. Five minutes into the meal and they'll be at each other's throats. Mark my words…_

Tony gulped his remaining wine.

This was not a good idea.

0000

End scene

This chapter was starting to run on a little too long so I decided to cut it in half. What can you expect to happen next? Loki decides to antagonise Thor forcing Tony to play peacekeeper, while Hela attempts to keep Loki and Tony apart by interrupting alone time.

Remember every review you give goes to feed this poor, impoverished writer's ego. Please donate.


	4. Chapter 4

**JannaKalderash** I settled on Hela being physically eight but acting younger due to her remote upbringing. I also think Hela is smart enough to work out acting younger works in her favour.

**HowlynMad**No milk? Now I've got to go all the way to the fridge XD

**Harlequin Jade**I hope it doesn't not disappoint.

**Diane ** I've considered bringing a new child into the mix but it would probably be much later on, if at all. I think Tony will have to have a few more nicknames for Loki, the sillier the better :P

**Chibi-Daisuke-Chan** Hey presto!

**SmellsLikeTeenSpirt** Mine too.

**icis182**Enjoy XD

Thanks to everyone who favourited this story!

Well this chapter has been a bit of a bitch to write but here it is!

**Chapter Four **

Tony took a moment to reflect upon his life. Fortunate had been good to him, having been blessed with excessive wealth, intellect and charisma, Tony Stark was catnip to the ladies. How many had he slept with? He couldn't say. It felt like another life belonging to a different man. Where he wore a false smile and moved through an endless parade of beautiful women, each one undistinguishable from her predecessor. He did it because it was expected of him. He did it because he was bored. He did it because he was lonely. Because he didn't care about her name, her personality or her aspirations, she was always a means to an end. The only thing that matter was the only thing that had ever matter to Tony Stark.

Himself.

For the first time in his life, Tony felt cheap.

_Surely it wasn't all bad? _His inner voice chose a bad time to raise its ugly head and reminded him that there were some advantages to no-strings-attached sex. His floozies never out stayed their welcome. His needs were always fulfilled. More importantly he never had to engage in the complicated emotional discourse of a relationship.

_Remember how carefree those days were? How straightforward? Don't you miss those days? Don't you wish you could return? _

It would be a lie to say no.

Now he was strictly a one god guy and admittedly that was an ego boost. After all who else would Tony Stark settle down with but a god? It made perfect sense. Nor did it hurt that his newfound hubby was most venereal character in Norse mythology. With a hard-pressed passion for metal and leather, he might add. Of course their relationship was neither steady nor easy. Loki was the very definition of a complex head case. Tony imagined Loki held a much more patronizing impression of him, probably along the lines of affectionate man-puppy. Loki couldn't possibly view him as an equal.

Could he?

No.

It just wasn't probable.

But things were different now. A pint-size spawn of pure unadulterated evil had been added into the mix and she was determined to wreak havoc with his love life. Hela was not _just a kid_. She was _Loki's_ kid. It meant she was smarter than she let on. It meant she was deceptive and cunning and… well _tricksy_. And what's more, she was winning. Tony was being deprived of his Loki-time on a daily basis. Something had to be done. Sorry Mandarin, looks like the invincible Iron Man had a new arch nemesis.

And now here he was, hosting a dinner party with two squabbling demi-gods.

_This is your life Tony; take a good hard look. _

Tony poured himself another glass of wine and swigged it back.

Thor sat to his left with his plate a good three times fuller than anyone else's. He had never seen Thor eat before, if you could call what Thor was doing 'eating', it looked more like inhaling to be honest. How the guy did not choke was anyone's guess. Tony played with his own meal for a moment before casting a short glance to his right. Loki was more preoccupied with getting Hela to eat her food than he was his own. He scooped up a large spoonful and brought it to his lips.

"Mmm yummy, come on Hela. Try one mouthful, just like Daddy,"

Hela watched her father with an almost childlike fascination. Immediately her glaze dropped to her plate, her brows furrowed in concentration. Slim fingers reached out for her fork, lifted and dangled above her meal. Then she seemed to hesitate, as if uncertain. Her downcast face refused to rise. Underneath the table Hela clenched her bare feet into balls and pulled them behind the chair legs.

"It's alright Hela," Loki gave her a brave smile. "Just try a little, if you can,"

"Is the whelp not hungry? She's nothing but skin and bones!" Garbled words somehow made their way through his puffed out cheeks.

"Thank-you for your input Thor," Loki gritted his teeth.

"If you are serious about this then it is imperative that she eat more, little brother,"

"Really? The thought had not occurred to me," Loki laced his words with lethal sarcasm.

"Have you considered force feeding-?"

The fork clattered piercingly as a stunned little Hela let it drop. Her wide eyes instantly turned on her father. Tony followed suit, Loki was visibly fuming.

"Perhaps we should change the subject?" Tony slipped his hand under the table and onto Loki's knee, giving it a gingerly squeeze. "How's Jane these days?"

That helped to lighten the mood. Thor always grew a goofy grin whenever he spoke of his love, Jane Foster. Tony found himself wondering if Loki ever did the same when speaking about him. It was unlikely to say the least. Loki had such a controlling nature. He resented wearing his emotions on his sleeves, vulnerability made him feel weak. Even now Tony knew Loki was still livid and yet his blank, unreadable expression said nothing to indicate that as he politely nodded along to his brother's ramblings.

Hela on the other hand looked as if she was on the verge of tears. Tony tossed his head to one side and studied her trembling face. Was she really so upset by Thor's callous remark? Or did she fear her father might actually follow his advice? Perhaps she was still shaken from earlier? Her uncle hadn't exactly made a good first impression.

Left alone in the hallway, Tony and Thor had engaged in a bit of light banter between friends. It had been a while since either had seen the other, it had been a while since Tony had seen any of the Avenger's in fact. Anyone would think they were avoiding him. Except for the Captain of course, he and Steve had hung out often, mostly in bars however Steve's inability to get drunk was starting to wear thin. And how did those drunken Iron Man videos keep turning on youtube? The rest seemed to have resumed their old isolate existences. Out of nowhere the sound of shattered glass interrupted them and the gruff bark of Loki shortly followed. Thor looked quizzically at Tony who could only shrug at him. Arriving at the kitchen complex, the pair found their answer.

Loki knelt on the tiled floor picking up the tiny remains of a broken glass while Hela stood a few paces back play with the helm of her pyjama shirt. Her face was pink and her eyes watery. "I just wanted apple…" She whimpered pathetically. "It was an accident-"

"It's alright Hela, I didn't mean to shout, I'm not angry with you. Go sit back at the table, there's nothing on your feet, I don't want you to hurt yourself," He stood; a mild smile creased his lips as he gestured for her to return to her seat. "Daddy will fetch you some apple juice,"

Hela nodded but continued to snivel.

Tony planned to plant a wet one on Loki's lips right there and then but as he moved forwards he found himself in the shadow of Thor's strides.

"Brother! You bring _this_ wretch to Midgard? Are you mad? Or is your intent to provoke the Allfather deliberate?" Thor boomed in perfect range of Hela, who froze immediately indicating her clear understanding of those words. Tony expected her to burst into tears and wrap herself around her father's legs until she felt safe again. Instead Hela was quiet with her shoulders drooped forwards and her head bent low.

"She is my daughter and you would do well to remember that, brother," Loki hissed menacingly. "Call her wretch again and you might as well leave and never return! I'll have nothing to do with a brother who cannot be kind to his own niece!"

"You know nothing about raising a child! The Allfather was generous in taking that burden from you and acknowledging your bastard as his kin. Hela has a realm of her own, where she would have been raised into a proper monarch. It would have been wiser to leave her be," Thor approached Loki warily. "Brother you should learn to trust more in the Allfather's wisdom, you do not always have all the answers,"

"Does Hela look like a proper monarch to you? Does she look or act like we did at her age? All I see is a half-dead, timid creature who was abandoned to some great wasteland and constantly told she should be grateful just to be alive!" Loki snapped back. "And I don't care what _your_ father thinks! Hela is mine and I will never let her go again!"

Thor gasped. "Does father not know?"

It appeared then, the characteristic Loki smirk. "He will soon enough,"

His brother roared and stamped his foot. "I can't believe you would willingly disobey the explicit commands of the Allfather! He's going to be furious with you Loki,"

"Are you serious you half-wit? All I've done for the past few years is _willingly _disobeyed Odin! Frankly I'm surprised getting to Hel and seizing my child was so pitifully easy. It almost as if he turned a blind eye to my miscreants, giving his blessing as it were," Loki held a toothy leer as Thor shook his head vigorously.

"I'm afraid you delude yourself brother,"

"No, you are the delude one if you think that I care-"

Tony unceremoniously cleared his throat. "You two maybe wanna take it down a notch or something? The kid has ears you know," It seemed that he was the only one paying attention to Hela as the brothers became side track in their bickering. Her head was hidden beneath her folded arms placed upon the table. She didn't give the impression of crying but what other reason was there to hide her face?

_Hey there Tony, is that sympathy you're feeling? She's gonna suck you in! Beware the she-demon! _

Oddly enough, Tony didn't feel like playing that game right now. As he watched Loki hurry towards his child and touch her shoulder tenderly, he felt emptiness. When Hela gave no response, Loki lifted her from her chair and the child when limp in his cradling arms. Loki merely rocked her calmly until she coiled around him like a mechanical doll. Then he pressed his lips upon her tiny forehead and whispered something in her ear. Hela nodded but her face remained hidden.

"I think you're wrong Thor. I think Loki knows how to be a father," Tony said discreetly.

The thunderer still grimaced. "He should have told me, is all…"

* * *

"Please Hela. Pretty please, even a tiny bite,"

Loki had resumed trying to encourage Hela to eat more of her meal. She had picked at the pasta but mostly moved it around the plate. Her father let out a smooth sigh and sipped his wine. He started to twitch uncomfortably in his seat.

"Must you be so uncouth with your eating dear brother? You're putting me off my food!"

With his wide mouth ajar, Thor paused momentarily from the menial task of shovelling food into it and beamed unbearably at Loki. "Must you always criticize my girth dear brother? Is this not the proper way to show appreciation for the meal you have concocted?" Chewed food fell back onto his plate and Loki grasped his temples. Tony sensed he would have to do some under the table squeezing again soon. He was prepared.

A horrendously loud belch distracted Tony for a second. Out of the corner of his eye he caught a glimpse of a twisted smile deeply engraved into Loki's elegant lips as the trickster raised a large spoonful of sauce…

Oh god. He wouldn't.

Not Loki.

Not the clever, the refined, the sophisticated…

… the god of mischief.

SPLAT.

Thor roared something brutal. Tony tried to suppress his snigger and failed. A smug look of satisfaction had brightened Loki's impish face.

"Brother that was a perfectly good waste of food!" Thor declared. "I thought you might have grown out of such unruly behaviour! Why I remember plenty of times that mother had to take you howling from the banquet feast for such behaviour,"

That got him. Tony cradled his head.

Instantly the trickster was on his feet and pointing fingers. "Me? Me? I was a mere infant, you were the one who started it, you egged me on, yet only I was held accountable!"

"That is not how I recall it," Thor had also launched himself upright.

Loki gave a cruel laugh. "I'm surprised you can recall your own name the number of times your fat head had has been hit! You big dumb oaf!"

"I don't remember being a big dumb oaf when you needed me, when you fell climbing a tree, when you had a nightmare, when you –"

"Yes Thor when I was a child! Before I knew any better!"

"You use to cry like a baby and beg to sleep in my bed,"

"And then I tried to kill you, oh isn't reminiscing fun brother!"

"Okay enough guys!" Tony jumped up and waved his arms distressingly in the air between them. "This is a peace meal, remember? And I'm not fit to referee two immortals,"

Thor shuffled a little guiltily whereas Loki curled his lip and bit it. Both slumped back down into their chairs all the same. Hela pushed her plate aside and left the table in silence.

Loki sighed and began eating his now cold dinner.

* * *

About an hour later Tony stood by the sink, his arms deep in the warm soapy water. Loki hovered by his side. His sleeves were rolled past his elbow and he dangled a glass of wine in his left hand. Neither had spoken since Thor bid his goodbyes. Loki had writhed under an awkward hug but promised to speak again soon.

"I'm sorry it didn't go as well as you'd planned," Tony bit the bullet.

Loki smiled thinly. "Actually it worked out better than I'd hoped. I thought we'd come to blows long before desert. I'm rather impressed,"

"Thor will certainly be pleased to hear that. I think he was disheartened when he left,"

"He shouldn't. We're brothers after all. This is expected of us," Loki let out a deep groan. "Thor is such a lug-head,"

"So you're really okay?"

"I'll survive,"

"Then remind me again why I have to wash up?" Tony blew soap spuds in Loki's direction.

"With these hands?" Perfectly manicured nails flickered in front of Tony's face.

"Tsk, primadonna,"

"I don't even like that vile woman's music,"

"Huh? No, no _primadonna_, not Madonna," Loki's confusion was adorable. "Nevermind honeybun"

* * *

All that remained between them was their trousers.

Tony pushed Loki back onto the supple mattress and continued manoeuvring his lips across the god's perfect physic. He knew it was mean to tease Loki but he was in the moment and wanted to linger there. Cold, impatient hands progressed lower and lower until they firmly grasped his behind. Tony giggled and raised his head. Loki sank his mouth into his and a sharp tongue wrapped around his own.

"Loose the pants," Loki hissed. "Or I magic them away,"

Tony pulled back and grinned, then reached for the belt buckle.

In the same instance that the bedroom door flung open, Loki had jerked upwards and shoved Tony sideways. The mortal took a swift tumble from the bed and smacked the floor hard.

"Ouch," he grumbled and took his time cambering upright. His spot on top of Loki was now occupied by a cowering Hela, having locked herself around his torso. Loki had a look of genuine nervousness as he patted his daughters head and tried to reassure her about what she may have just witnessed.

"Uncle Tony was just helping Daddy change for bed, that's all poppet,"

_Smooth Mr. Silver Tongue. _ Tony felt his eyes roll.

Hela pressed her pinched little face deeper into his bare chest. "Bad dream. Want to sleep with Daddy," She declared. Her grip tightened.

Loki flashed an apologetically gaze at Tony who could only nod that it was okay. He was too exhausted to protest. Not that it would have helped him.

The score currently stood at Hela 1 – Tony 0

* * *

There you have it for now

Next chapter, Hela and Tony go to war for reals.


	5. Chapter 5

Well it's finally here and I can only apologise for the long wait, especially since this chapter has been sitting on my laptop since August, requiring only a fine tune-up before publication. Sighs.

**Mira SeverusSirius Black-Snape**_Thanks. :)_

**AemryAvalon**_Tony and Hela will have some bonding soon enough, especially since he is a man-child himself. But I like the idea of Loki being occupied with Thor to notice his daughter's needs and feeling bad about it later. _

**Hellsleprechaun **_I guarantee Tony will make an effort… eventually. Or more accurately in the next chapter! _

**Guest**_It's here now! Ta-da!_

**foxlin**_Thanks for the comment. _

_Again, thanks to all commenters, favouriters and watchers!_

**Chapter 5**

Hela frequently had bad dreams and at importuned times no less.

Tony Stark did not believe in coincidences.

Upon invading their couple-time three nights in a row, Loki suggested remaining with Hela in the guest bedroom just as Tony considered locking their door. In response he simply nodded and gave an encouraging smile and all-rounded tried to appear the supportive partner.

"I'm certain it will pass," Loki spoke gingerly. "Hela is not accustomed to sleep. In Hel one does not sleep, one has no need, much like eating. Once she has adapted to Midgard, I wager she'll be impossible to wake!"

Tony didn't feel like pointing out that nightmares were slightly different to insomnia. And even one night without Loki had touched a nerve. It felt like a victory for the other side.

_I've got to stop thinking like that. She's just some dumb kid. _Tony reprimanded himself. He knew he was being selfish, immature and even at times a little cruel, but damnit it all, Loki was still _his_!

Lying on his stomach, arms offering support from underneath the pillows, Tony bathed in his approaching-waking-state for as long as possible. At the very least he had had a decent night's sleep. Hela was a fidgety sleeper and occasionally stuck out her bony limps. Small, gentle strikes to be sure, but unlike her father, Hela possessed no magical control over her body temperature while unconscious and each time Tony awoke with a jarringly cold start.

It was then that Loki stormed into the room.

The icy atmosphere made Tony cautious. He shifted his weight into an upright position and leant against the head rest. Bambi brown eyes popped open and for a moment Tony stared unblinking. Loki clicked his tongue, a sign of his annoyance. Tony grinned unwittingly.

"Is something the matter, honeybun?"

With great effort Loki suppressed his clear vexation and through tightly pursed lips he hissed. "I am Loki, the first of his name. The first son of Laufey, Ruler of Jotunheimr, adopted brother of Thor, God of Thunder and heir-apparent to the Æsir throne. The consort of Angrboða, Witch of the Iron Woods and of the stallion Svaðilfari, I am the father and mother to kin both terrible and monstrousness. I am trickster, shape-shifter, the silver-tongued who yelps about wicked things, the disgrace of all gods and men and scourge of all the nine realms. I am neither a God to be trifled with nor openly mocked, Antony Edward Stark!" He gave Tony a dreadfully accusing look.

"The audacity, the sheer impedance by which you would address me, am I some hapless maiden? Shall I blush like one? Would that please you? You… you… pathetic mortal man! You will rue your deeds, mark my works Tony!" With that Loki turned sharply on his heels and sped away.

Tony sat motionless, gazing at the empty doorframe while only managing to fumble out a "Huh?"

"I think I missed something honey. Honey?" He called out to no prevail.

With a small yawn, Tony rubbed his eyes and slid onto the edge of the bed. Getting to his feet, Tony figured he had better have a private chat with the trickster and see if he could get to the bottom of the matter. If Diva-Loki resurfaced, there would be a line of people queuing up to tell him 'I told you so!'

Padding bare foot down the corridor, Tony entered unnoticed into his own spacious living room. The widescreen was blaring in the background, something bright and chipper, a vaguely reminisce kids show. Hela was plonked upon the cream couch with her white ribbon baby blanket covering her lap. Loki knelt down beside her holding a plate of toast. He lifted a slice to her lips and tried to tempt her into taking a bite. Instead Hela pressed her tiny body back into the cushions as if Loki was holding out a scorpion. When he moved closer, she raised her blanket firmly over her mouth and shook her head.

Loki sighed gently and placed the plate on the coffee table in front of her. It was then that he noticed Tony and turned away in a huff. Feeling more and more perplexed Tony shuffled pass the seated Hela whilst stifling another yawn. Hela seemed transfixed with the cartoon playing, three cute little bug-eyed girls fighting a green monkey with multi-coloured lasers. Weird.

Hey how come Iron Man didn't have his own show?

Wait…

Oh. He just got it.

Awkwardly he embraced the trickster from behind and planted a wet kiss on the back of his neck. "Good morning, Buttercup,"

Loki reined back his head and pushed Tony aside. "How dare you continue to mock me _mortal_,"

"Okay, calm down, calm down. I mean at least give me a chance to explain before you turn me into a toad," Tony smirked. Loki simply crossed his arms neatly across his chest, tightened his lips and maintained his glare.

"Buttercup is the name of a powerpuff girl but it's also a type of flower-"

"So you confess you find me akin to a flower? Is that an appropriate title for the God of Mischief?"

"More or less appropriate than a powerpuff girl?" The muted glare told him to move on. Quickly.

"It's just what couples do, dear. They adopt pet names,"

"Pet? Pet! You think me your pet?!" Loki grounded his teeth.

With every sentence Tony was digging himself deeper. "Pet names are considered terms of affection between partners. Darling, sweetheart, cupcake, honeybun, buttercup, is just how we mere mortals show our fondness," Tony shuffled forward and tugged at Loki's hips. "If you find buttercup belittlingly, I promise not to use it again snookum's,"

They briefly shared a much needed kiss. When they parted, Loki had curled his lips upwards. "I think you mortals have a pre-occupation with sweet things,"

"Must be why I'm so addicted to you,"

Loki chuckled lightly. "I've been called many things in my time. Sweet is certainly not one of them,"

"Must be an acquired sweetness then,"

Loki paused and looked thoughtful. "I suppose buttercup is not a bad name, if it's meant with affection,"

"That's the spirit!"

"I think I shall adopt a pet name for you," Tony arched his eyebrows.

"Yes I shall name you Narfi,"

Bemused Tony shook his head. "I don't think you quite get it. A pet name is not a new name entirely. There existing things like treats, flowers, fluffy baby animals and the like,"

"I think I prefer Narfi,"

Tony grinned and quickly stolen another kiss. "Whatever pleases you sugarlips,"

"You're just putting random words together now, aren't you?"

* * *

"You look dignified," Loki stood loftily balanced on one leg. "I've grown rather accustomed to your usual scruffy attire. Special occasion is it?"

"I'll have you know, I've been known to put on a shirt and tie from time to time," Tony finished buttoning up his shirt and then reached down for his shiny purple tie. "Have to meet with the board of directors today. Have to make a good impression or Pepper will be displeased," He turned and caught Loki mid-leer. "Hey, don't objectify me!"

Loki wrinkled his nose. "Surely these directors answer to you? Does the company not bare your name?"

Tony made a tiny wince. He really didn't have the time to go into the excruciatingly boring details of how corporations are run, especially to Loki. Though it might be more fun than actually attending his meeting, Tony had inkling that Loki would suggest blowing the board to smithereens. Or worse he might actually do it. For all Loki's seemingly good behaviour, Tony could detect a subtle edge of boredom. Even fatherhood would not keep him content forever. Tony rubbed his chin and considered what could be done to break up the humdrum life at the tower.

Where was a supervillian when you needed one?

But his concerns would have to wait. There was still the inevitable meeting to attend. Typically Pepper would have gone on his behalf, as she handled most of the business these days. But this time his presence was required. The board consisted of twelve stuffy old men, old friends of his father that were just as disapproving. The last time they had demanded his attendance was to lecture Tony on his Iron Man antics. For a heartbeat Tony wondered if they had gotten wind of his relationship with Loki.

Loki seemed to have read his mind. "No one outside Fury and the Avengers knows of our arrangement,"

"How can you be so certain?"

Loki smirked mischievously. "Because I'm magic darling,"

Uh huh how reassuring.

Tony slipped his shoes on and stopped. Removing his right foot and lifting up his shoe, Tony pulled a face. How did a jammy piece of toast get there?

* * *

"You're late, Tony," Pepper breathed low as she met him at the reception.

"I know, I know. Let's just get this over with," Tony spoke with a mark of annoyance. Loki had only laughed at Hela's prank and waved it off.

In the conference room Tony arrived to an ominous silence. Slumping his briefcase on the table, the object immediately sprang open and several large brown toads proceeded to leap out.

In the midst of screams and shouts, Tony flopped into his chair, head clasping into his hand

* * *

Irritated and thoroughly wet through thanks to a freak and unpredicted downpour, Tony arrived home and headed directly to the living space. Loki sat neatly crossed legged, flipping through a gossip magazine with an impish expression across his face.

"Do you actually read these Tony? They're so very droll!" He glanced over his shoulder. "Why are so wet? Have you not heard of an um-brell-la?" Loki liked to sing-song mortal words he found amusing.

"Loki, we need to talk,"

"Not so loud. Hela is taking a nap," He indicated to the opposing sofa where a tiny Hela lay curled in a ball, covered by her blanket, sucking her thumb. In sleep she seemed so peaceful, so helpless. Tony sighed and motioned for Loki to follow him into the kitchen.

After he had finished explaining his humiliation at the hands of Loki's pint-size daughter, Tony realised he wasn't going to get the desired response. It figured. Hela's daddy was the God of Mischief after all.

"I had no idea Hela was so competent with her magic, what a clever little girl she is. Tony dear, can't you take a simple joke? I was up too much worse at her age," Loki chuckled.

Exasperated Tony threw up his arms

* * *

"C'mon Tony," Steve finished his shot and accepted another. "Admit it, if it hadn't been on you, you would have found it hilarious,"

"Hey Stephen, aren't you supposed to be on my side by default!" Tony felt the familiar alcoholic buzz hitting him. "The kid is ruining my life!"

"Don't you think that's a bit of a stretch?"

"Well she's ruining my sex life that's for sure!"

"Umm, too much information-"

"I think this is the longest period in my life I've gone without sex,"

Steve sighed and gazed down at his drink. Being the only sober person at the party was never any fun.

* * *

It was late or early depending on your point of view when Tony stumbled back into Stark Tower. Loki was already asleep with Hela tucked up beside him in the guest bedroom. Feeling dejected, Tony mooched onto the couch with a beer bottle and a classic action flick. The next thing he knew, he was being harshly shaken awake. Eyelids cracked open, an incoherent grunt was give and Tony attempt to roll onto his stomach.

"Wake up you wretched man!" the trickster whispered. "Is it here? Have you seen it? You're not lying on it are you?"

"What?" Was all Tony could manage.

There was a hint of desperation as Loki spoke. "Oh Hela's blanket, that white one she is so fond of. I can't find it anywhere!"

Oh crap.

Tony clambered to his feet as Loki moved to check behind him. "Yeah I've seen it. I popped it into the wash before I when out last night,"

"Blankie?" Hela stood in hearing range and her eyes were as wide as dishes. Quickly she began to snivel.

Without a word Loki disappeared and shortly emerged with the freshly washed and pressed white blanket and immediately placed within his daughter's arms. Hela screwed up her tiny face and wailed harder.

"It's not the same! It's not the same! It's different! It's different forever!" The child howled and tossed it onto the floor.

Unsympathetic to a bawling eight year old and nursing a colossal hangover, Tony decided to let Loki handle the situation while he showered. Hela's shrieking pursued him down the hall.

"Daddy no! Blankie's no the same, it's not fair! He did it on purpose!"

Things had just gone from bad to worse.

Hela 2 – Tony 0

* * *

Next time: Tony remembers that he is a billionaire. Also featuring Hawkeye.


End file.
